Four Agreements

Couple of days ago, I delved into the book written by Don Miguel Ruiz, Four Agreements. In fact, this book was published before I came to exist, in the year 1997. (I was born 2 years later on)

As any blog-writer would do, I felt the urge to get and write my take on the book. (However I may want to add that my writing got rusty considering I haven't picked up my courage to jote down anything for the longest period.)

Regardless, as one would say “A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.”

If self-growth and enlightement happens to be your niché, you may want to stick for the rest of the piece.

-One thing about these motivational type of books is, once you read it the impact is immense. Through time the effect sort of.. washes out? Ergo, if there is something you discovered that genuinely pushes you to do good, be better, don't just read&watch and put it aside. Let it be your guide, keep it near yourself and reach out to it when in need.-

What made Ruiz write this book was the near-death experience he'd had which led him to peruse over Toltec sorcery and belief system, to find something deeper, more true and vital than everyday struggles, materials and wealth almost everyone struggles with. (Irrelevant information: "the good place" also mentions something extremely similar to this case, how a traumatic event would make a drastic change in one's thoughts. So for those of you who haven't seen the show, go binge watch, take my word for it.)

The book marks upon some very core, humane facts, societal rules and agreements (as the name suggests) we, the mortal humans tend to take on and apply in our lives quite often.

These agreements were established way before our existence, ready, waiting to be taken by us. And they do have an immense power over our thinking process and actions.

1- Be impeccable with your word.

Remember how you grew up with cliché platitudes that went like "think before you speak," it's very accurate actually. Many of our great failures and fears come from our past experiences, and many times from the negative feedback we have received from outsiders. These people may be friends, family, even the close family that did something, said something or gave you a look that still makes you insecure to this day.

Of course it does not mean they made you feel this way on purpose or maliciously. They probably did not think about what they said.

Look at your own life. Best examples are the ones you can find in yourself.

Do you happen to have any moment in the past where you felt okay with something you did and someone came along, ruined it for you forever? Even a simple "Is that what you're going to wear out?" or "You're not going to (do something) right?" would get you so down. It makes you question your sense of self, your choices, your skills and personality.

Try not to make that big of a bad impact in anyone else's life.

Also, I recently learned about Grice's Maxim rules, which there are four of them you can apply to in order to ameliorate your communication skills, so check that out.

One more, Celeste Headlee's '10 ways to have better conversation' is spot on.

2-Don't take anything personally

I for one am a believer that the reason why most of us have shit lives is because we believe it is only us who goes through it. These past few months I have been practicing this simple act, and almost anywhere I go, whichever bus or subway I am in, I hear people trash talking, roasting someone else. I hear people saying terrible things behind others I do not even know of. Or how offended they were about something. How shocking something someone did in some stupid place.

I'm not going to say crap like "You never know what someone else is going through,be grateful" and all that jazz, but I simply ask you to think about it. Haven't you seen a movie that was older than your age? Haven't you ever talked to someone much older than you and hear them talk about something that happened to them before you were even born?

Or history, look at history. Haven't you read Shakespeare fell in love, Dickens felt passionate about something, all Austen sisters wrote about was basically love (aside from the period's cultural and social background with the place of women...)

What I'm trying to say is, next time something happens that makes you feel frustrated, remember everyone else does when they get a bad score, when their crush doesn't like them back, when their wifi goes off or when they fail spectacularly at something. We all fail so spectacularly, so you can choose to react differently when something unexpected happens and life throws a curveball at you.

3-Don't assume anything

Extrajudicial execution is what we call these cases. We assume things because we are told a certain way. That's how fanatics over football, politics and games are created. We grow up and believe in things we are told so seriously, almost nothing could change our opinion. Except, the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth.

Why do we make 'em if they're so wrong? In psychologytoday's website it says that sometimes we make assumptions because we simply don't have the time to think something through or do an analysis and check for understanding.

I once read an article about how facts do not change feelings,

but next time please have the decency to not jump into conclusions about things and people without knowing the circumstances.

4-Always do your best, even if it constantly changes.

Your best, absolute best constantly changes as the years, seasons, your age, your surroundings, your life, circumstances and you keep changing. The simple line between being your best and doing your is best is indicated here. Your best version is different when you're sleep deprived and when you have the perfect amount of sleep. It is different when you're sick as a dog and healthy, different when you're doing great money-wise so you can afford other activities that would help you grow.

What the message you need to reap out of this agreement is knowing and doing your best in your own circumstance, wholeheartedly. Doing something even when you do not feel like it, but something you know that would serve a purpose, a reason, a good outcome.