the ones we love, to my Semoş.

one thing that I believe has changed and altered my life so deeply was losing my grandmother.

the person who has always loved me, and never shyed away from saying it, was my beloved Semoş.

I grew up with her. Learned my first words, took my first steps with her. My mom and dad were working and so they would leave me to her during the workdays and apparently I would also stay with her during the weekends. We had this love for each other, no matter how different we were (as I changed based on my surroundings and what I was exposed to), we were also very similar in the end.

I cannot wrap my head, or still understand, 3 months later that my memories have come to an end with her. I cannot believe that I will never get to eat her food, spend time with her, gossip with her or hear her prayers and loving words over me. I keep bursting into tears, in the most irrelevant, ridiculous moments. I have cried for 3 months like a baby would without any sleep or food. I cried my eyes out, like crazy, and to this day I still do. In fact, I think I have gotten a little older these past 3 months.

There was a really good quotation that hit home for me was when I realized as long as I live I will miss her.

"the sad part is, that I will probably end up loving you without you for much longer than I loved you when I knew you."

I don't think she can see or hear me. Sometimes I cry out loud and no matter how ridiculous it sounds, I hope I could see a reflection of her. I'm not religious like she is (and I don't want to use past tense to describe who she is), but I know that I love her, even though I will not feel hear love anymore.